Friday, June 17, 2005

Who is Poetry's Biggest Tool?

Everyody likes a good poll, so here's one from Poetry Snark, to you, with love. Who is poetry's biggest suck-up? I'm not talking about the Power Brokers but the power-broker wannabes, the aspiring next generation of fingers-on-the-pulse academic cronies, puffing the pipe of worshipful conformism in the name of an inflated career. So who is the most snivelingly pathetic, butt-smooching, over-ranked young playa in poe-biz? I'm going to suggest a few contenders below. Vote for one of these, or suggest your own in the thread for this post. We'll crown the lucky winner in a week or so. My suggestions for the throne, in no particular order:

a) Brian Henry
b) Todd Swift
c) Aaron McCollough
d) Joshua Clover

Your choice? Your alternate nominee? Your tale of horror?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brian Henry -- most overrated poet in America

5:00 PM, June 17, 2005  
Blogger Dinosaur Mom said...

Holy crap, I've met Brian Henry. The old US Information Agency sent him to Moscow as a speaker on American poetry in 1999 when I worked there at the Embassy. I regret that I don't remember enough about him or the other guy from Verse who went with him to be able to add snark.

6:24 PM, June 17, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

7:20 PM, June 17, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I meant to add...underrated.

7:21 PM, June 17, 2005  
Anonymous Wolf said...

I'd have to go with Clover. Anyone who has seen that smoocher in action knows what I mean, but then he's also the only one of these people who I've met.

11:36 PM, June 17, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Clover is Batman, then Geoffrey G O'Brien is Robin. They are a dynamic duo of tooliness with their gellid curls and affected intellect. I have seen both of them in action, working a room and belittling people in a tag team formation. They suck. May they tool in hell.

7:15 AM, June 18, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If it's possible to suck up to yourself (and give or take a rib or two I'm sure it is) then it's Todd Swift by a country mile. Just like at the man's website and see for yourself!

7:34 AM, June 18, 2005  
Blogger Snark said...

Snark has to agree about that website. Here's the link, but be warned, I'm going to snark this soon on the front page, so it might be a bit of a spoiler:


11:53 AM, June 18, 2005  
Blogger bill blood said...


2:00 PM, June 18, 2005  
Anonymous muthers against foets said...

Aaron McCollough X 6,000

see winnow press thread at foetry

4:17 PM, June 18, 2005  
Blogger steve barron said...

I just almost ralphed on my keyboard looking at todd swift's website.

Please tell me this is a comedian "playing" a poet.

5:58 PM, June 18, 2005  
Anonymous Innuit Crooner said...

Todd Swift is Canada's biggest poetry tool for sure, but that's sort of like being the most outstanding opera singer in Greenland.

7:57 PM, June 18, 2005  
Blogger Ginger Pennebaker said...

From Todd Swift's blog: "The reading room itself was small, but wood-panelled." - OK, so far so good, sounds like the openning to a cute French erotic novel - "The organiser had made a fatal error..." - O MY GOD! Right into the heart of the crisis! What suspense! - "as they all do these days - of telling me how they usually ger audiences of 50 or so..." - OH NO! Don't make Little Poetaster Boy nervous! - But, poo poo, only seven people came :(. We're sorry Teddy Boy! Oh, but he learnes something: "Most people don't like poetry." Yeah. No shit.

8:34 PM, June 18, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:08 AM, June 19, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any poll of UK poets would have to put Mark Ford fairly high on the list. All the energy that goes into the non-stop loop of reviews and blurbs circulating between Ford and Ashbery could power a small, or even a fairly large American town.

6:40 AM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Karen Volkman, hands down.

7:49 AM, June 20, 2005  
Blogger Agent Trochee said...

I would have to go with big-assed intellectual-lite Sarah Manguso as well. And not too far behind is the ever-scowling Ben Lerner.

10:46 AM, June 20, 2005  
Blogger Agent Trochee said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:46 AM, June 20, 2005  
Anonymous Ahman Nahmanides said...

Lerner indeed, who can find a way to explain (i.e. speciously bullshit) how his subject of praise can "forcefully co-opt a Heideggerian sense of being" in the act of wiping his or her ass. The Lerner lexicon is all surface phenomenologies, with the lips glossed & puckered as they speak said sweet words around Louis Safranski's coalblack asshole.

8:59 AM, June 21, 2005  
Blogger Jorie said...

I wouldn't call Josh's tool "big."

7:20 AM, June 23, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Steve Mueske

5:36 PM, July 02, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

joy, is that you? how's it going?

7:47 PM, July 04, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you're talking about tools, it's amazing no one mentioned the truly biggest living tool in poetry.

Dana Gioia

8:31 PM, July 07, 2005  

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